“I don't know where to look for jobs, so I think I'll check out the unemployment office. They maybe hiring.”

“If you’re looking for someone to stand in the unemployment line, I’m the man for the job. And if you’re looking for a man who will make love to you all night long, then I’m the man for the job. I will help you find that man.”

“I am going to think of you every time I don't have sex. So that'll mean I'll always be thinking of you.”

“Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory.”

“So I got a new job, and I start tomorrow. I’m excited to have a job, and bummed out I’m going to be working.”

“Every morning I think: What’s the latest I can sleep in ‘til, and still be on time for work? Well, I used to think that, before unemployment turned every day into a Saturday.”

“I'm really going to freak out if I don't get into Histrionics 101. And if I get in, I'll also freak out.”