“I don’t like Mondays, especially if they occur on Fridays.”

“Tomorrow’s Pancake Friday, despite the fact that it’s Monday, and I don’t eat breakfast.”

“I don’t beat around the bush. Especially since I like my women clean shaven.”

“Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours.
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“I’d like to tweeze all the Tuesdays of the year, and all the Mondays off my chest.”

“To some dogs I don’t like cats, to some cats I don’t like dogs, and to some people I don’t like. Mostly the people I don’t like are lawyers, lobbyists, and politicians.”

“I don’t like writers whose writing is so obvious that I can predict what he’ll write while I’m still taking in his current thoughts. Why, this means that I know what he knows, and the point of reading is to discover things and thoughts which I don’t already know or that haven’t occurred to me. The greatest amusement is surprise. Fellatio! (Bet you didn’t see that coming!)”