“I don’t like to brag or frighten, but I’ve got a black belt. And a brown one, which I sometimes wear with black slacks.”

“Black clothing makes me look skinnier. If I wear all black at night, and turn out the lights, I look so skinny that I disappear.”

“I got hit on at the bar last night, and this morning I have a black eye. Sometimes you can be so sexy that you offend, I guess.”

“Don’t kiss in public, unless it’s midnight and you’re both wearing black so nobody can see you’re naked.
”

“The kitten I got is black and white and has long hair. Really long hair (think Willie Nelson). I decided to call him Cap’n because his markings make him look like a pirate. The majority of his face is white, except over his left eye is a black patch of fur, like an eye patch, and under his chin he has black hair that’s long and comes to a point like a goatee. Also, when I got him he had a parrot on his shoulder and a wooden leg.”

“I want to sit on the sofa, eating potato chips, while wearing one of those vibrating ab belts and getting a workout.”

“A karate black belt would make a great blindfold on a kidnap victim, after you karate chop them into submission.”