“I don’t put my name and address on the return address section of an envelope. I simply write “Surprise!”

“I may not be able to remember your name, but I remember your address and what time you leave in the mornings. Your name isn’t Rob, is it?”

“What I did I can’t undo. But I can address it, and undress you.” This is the chorus in a new song I’m writing called “Mannequin Love.”

“I rented a dress, but not an address. That I had to buy, though it made my ass look like two sacks of lumpy cream cheese. Who wants a bagel?”

“I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job.”

“The question is, If I killed your husband, would you seek revenge, or would you send me a Thank You card? I think I know the answer, so here is my address: Jarod Kintz 12321 Karma Circle, Jax, Fl 32223.”

“Even though I know my own name (barely), I still sometimes write my name wrong. Usually it only happens when I write in cursive and am endorsing checks for money I can’t recall earning.”