“I don’t sleep naked, because that’s not proper beach etiquette.”

“I don’t sleep on the left side of the bed, or the right side, because there is a third option: to not sleep. After all, sleep is like death. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“My time at the pool went swimmingly. Better than a nude beach, because I was the only one who was naked.”

“It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a suit, you should still invite me swimming. That’s the naked truth.”

“I was a bellman once. A bellman of love. The hospitality industry taught me a lot about romance, and proper gratuity etiquette.”

“Women won’t sleep with me for the same reason that I don’t pay for sex—I don’t have any money. And if I did have money, I wouldn’t pay for sex, because women would sleep with me for free.”

“Sunday nights I get about two inches of sleep. But I make do, because that’s all the erection I can muster.”