“I don’t think that taking off my eye patch would increase my night vision by 100%, but it would go a long way towards relieving my wedgie.”
“If love were a pirate, then maybe I would wear an unopened condom over my eye, like an eye patch, and shave off all my pubes and glue them to my face and call myself “Dick Beard.”
“I had fun last night," I told Patch, flicking off my chin strap and handing over my helmet. "I'm officially in love with your sheets." "That the only thing you're in love with?""Nope. Your mattress, too."Some smile crept into Patch's eyes. "My bed's an open invitation.”
“I would go to heaven, but I would take my hell; I would not go alone”
“I would go into my classroom and find my seat, and then my mom would take a picture of me at my new desk!”
“We're gonna be late for English, and I gotta take these pantyhose off on the way. I'm gettin' a serious wedgie.”