“I don’t understand open relationships. My relationship is like a normal business at 5:01 pm: very much closed.”

“Like a 9-5 business at 4:59 pm, her legs were open.”

“Pet my 3:33 pm like it’s a beard. Live it, but don’t lick it.”

“I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.”

“Quick! Hide under my 3:33 am, but don’t pet my 3:33 pm.”

“I can draw like it’s nobody’s business. I use my door as a canvas, so don’t knock, because it’s nobody’s business.”

“I went to Hallmark, but they don’t sell corridors there. I did, however, find a card that perfectly summed up our relationship. The card was blank.”