“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.
”

“When someone tells me they don’t read, I like to walk up to them and stroke their hair, pet it really, because you know who also doesn’t read? My cat. In essence, these people are pitiful, and no better than pets.”

“Hell’s bells. I don’t call him the Fist of God as a pet name, folks.”

“To some dogs I don’t like cats, to some cats I don’t like dogs, and to some people I don’t like. Mostly the people I don’t like are lawyers, lobbyists, and politicians.”

“Hmm…now that I think about it, housecats are often coddled and petted. You don’t pet me nearly enough. You must be a lax owner. How selfish of you to deprive your cat of attention.”

“We touched the blood of the black cat. We pet the mammoth dog of tears. In the flickering light we were laughing: "necessity conquers fear!”