“I don't understand people who say they need more "Me Time." What other time is there? Do these people spend part of their day in someone else's body?”

“They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants.”

“People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than anybody else?” And I say, “Simple. I have brains, heart, courage, and most importantly, I have ruby red slippers.”

“Some people work to live, and other people live to work. Then some people, like me, are both unemployed and alive (at least at the time of this writing).
”

“I can’t extrapolate a theory of what people would do based on the limited data set of what one person—myself—would do. That’s why I need clones, so I can more accurately gauge what large crowds of people would do in a given situation.”

“What is it about money that makes people kill for it? I’ll have to think about that next time I do it.”

“Love happens to some people, sometimes. Other times other stuff happens to other people. I’m a person like those people.”