“I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much.”

“Like a 9-5 business at 4:59 pm, her legs were open.”

“I wanted to sip my daily Starbucks coffee as I got to work early (no later than 11:00 am), have a late lunch (1:00-4:00), and work late (5:01) every day (except Thursdays and Fridays). I wanted a life so good even Scarface would want to scarf it up.”

“The other day I found 20 dollars. It was just lying in a wallet I took from some guy’s pocket.”

“My grandpa passed a few days ago. But I’m not sad. He was only driving 20 miles an hour, so I’m sure I’ll catch up to him.”

“The passenger door was wide open, nobody was around, and a purse was inside. Was this a trap? It seemed too good to be true. Temptation overtook me, so I reached in the car, popped the trunk, and closed myself in. Boy, the owner of the car was sure in for a surprise. And he got it too—two days later. With no food, water, or cell phone on me, I nearly lost my life, and my job. I showed up late to work, but they didn’t believe me when I said I was stuck in traffic for 48 hours.”

“If I ever get a 20-dollar bill, I like to convert it into 20 singles, because women like guys with lots of money.
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