“I drink sleep, but not like I drink coffee. I chug one and sip the other.”

“I think coffee is the best drink known to man. I also think that wine is the best drink known to woman.”

“I’ll bet Ryan Lilly drinks coffee like a flower—a lily. I drink coffee more like two roses and a nose walk into a bar. I would tell you what the bartender said, but to be honest, the bar was pretty noisy and I didn’t hear what he said.”

“Your fork is my shovel. I eat real estate and I drink coffee.”

“I drink hot coffee in the summer, and iced coffee in the winter. I’m a contrarian, and contrary to popular belief I'm not a sellout. I rent.”

“There are billions of conversations happening every second, and it’s too bad I can’t listen to more than about half of them at one time. Most are just he said she said chatter, and I want to tell them to go sip on gossip and leave the coffee talk for me to chug.”

“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.”