“I drive by the spot of my injury, because each time I do, the pain lessens, and it teaches me a lesson.”

“I had to quit my taxi cab driving job because I had no way to get to work. The problem was I kept calling myself to come pick me up.”

“When she offered me a spot of tea, I said, “No thanks, I’ve already got a spot of tea on my shirt.”

“My workout partner is a cat. We nap together. He spots me a place, and keeps it warm, and then as soon as I spot him I go to him and cuddle.”

“I have pride in my name, because I have pride in myself. I do not represent my name—my name represents me.”

“I wish I had five wives, one for each day of the workweek. This would leave me the weekends to enjoy time with my two mistresses.”

“Dreamland, I couldn’t stay away, because I couldn’t stay awake. I traveled there in my sleep, at 65 miles per hour, while I was driving.”