“I eat bar soap raw, because if you try cooking it, it disappears. The soap turns into soup.”

“I always wear gloves when I wash my hands. That’s also how I make love, and if you buy now I’ll throw in an extra bar of soap for FREE.”

“If I had the gift of flight, would you try to turn me into duck soup?”

“Try my all-you-can-eat vomit soup. Sadly, people don’t want seconds, because they don’t even want firsts. But it tastes great. I tasted it on the way down—and then again on the way up.”

“I thought I was eating a candy bar, but it turned out to be a yummy burrito. I was both disappointed and appointed at the same time.”

“I ate a rainbow in a bowl, because it’s better than eating rain soup. Food and water aren’t supposed to be one and the same.
”

“I eat overcast skies for breakfast, because sunlight isn’t filling enough. As a lover, I’m a bring-my-own-umbrella kind of guy, because a soup bowl doesn’t offer enough space or protection.”