“I eat fog for breakfast, and I shit out steamy love scenes from the 80s.”

“I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade.”

“I once got a handjob from a glove. I miss the 80s.”

“I surround myself with salt, so it soaks up the humidity from my steamy solo love making sessions.”

“I collect collect calls from the 80s. I prefer them in mint condition, meaning the phone's still ringing.”

“I eat fog soup (out of a can). You don’t think I make it fresh, do you? You don’t need a spoon or straw to enjoy it—you need a pipe to inhale it.”

“Tomorrow’s Pancake Friday, despite the fact that it’s Monday, and I don’t eat breakfast.”