“I enjoy the small things in life. Like my penis.”

“My penis isn’t big. It just appeared that way because the midget’s hands were so small.”

“I threw out my sausage, and replaced it with a healthier penis metaphor, like a cucumber.”

“I belong, and my penis, it be long.”

“There’s a penis in my penne pasta. It’s my penis, but that doesn’t mean it belongs there.”

“If I spent ten years in prison, I’d probably come to value the small things in life. Things like good food, a comfy bed, and a toothbrush sharpened into a shank.”

“Would it make you more comfortable if I wore a condom while I shook your hand? I could wear it on my penis, or stretch it over my hand. I don’t know these things. I’m new to politics.”