“I find it more polite when I yawn without opening my mouth. I also talk this way too, with my mouth closed.”

“To choose to chew, rather than converse with my fellow dinner guests, was the choice I made when I chose the chewiest item on the menu. I wasn’t being rude. In fact, I was being polite. By ignoring them, I fulfilled and followed the aphorism: “It’s not polite to talk with your mouth full of food.”

“When I fake smile the corners of my mouth twitch from tiredness, then nervousness, as I wonder if anybody can see my mouth quivering and figure out that I’m faking my friendliness.”

“She yawned so loudly that I wanted to use her mouth as a putt putt golf hole.”

“I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes it more fun to pet my gums.”

“When I smile, not only do my ears rise, but so does my listening ability. When my mouth goes all Helen Keller, you know I heard you.”

“I grew a mustache, and I grew it in my garden. My mustache is organic, and will taste tasty on your mouth.”