“I floated like driftwood in the ocean. I wasn’t worried about sharks, because my bathtub is much too shallow.”

“Sometimes I put on a black scuba suit and go walking on the beach, to relax. If I could, I’d sleep in a scuba suit—on a waterbed. Not that I actually ever get in the ocean. Too many dangerous things in the water, like barracudas, sharks, and of course there are many lawyers here on the east coast.”

“I write like I make love: alone in my bathtub, as I let the fantasy overflow and wash over me.”

“I just peed in the sink. Why? Because there was already somebody in the bathtub.”

“I make love like I sing—in a choir, alone in the bathtub.”

“You have to slow down with this woman, because the moment she slows down and stops, she’ll die. She’s like a shark.” That’s what I told Renaldo, but how was I to know his girlfriend was literally a shark?”

“I wonder if Seal got his name because it looks like his face was mauled by a Great White shark?”