“I found love when I stopped looking for it. And I sold it precisely when everyone else began their search.”

“I don’t know when I’m going to stop when I start—or start when I stop. That’s why I simply love continuously.”

“After years of searching, I finally found love. I found it in the unlikeliest of places: My best friend’s bed, right after he leaves for work every morning.”

“Two guys, a man and a beast, were walking underwater, when two goats began fishing for political votes. That’s when I fell in love, when I saw how serious it all was.”

“I look for patterns that nobody else does. Like I noticed that my face looks like a tablecloth. Especially when I have food all over it.”

“I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of mystery.”

“Before I sold used cars, I sold used horses. Mostly to glue factories.”