“I grew a mustache, and I grew it in my garden. My mustache is organic, and will taste tasty on your mouth.”

“Right now I have a milk mustache. I grew it on a cattle ranch, and then glued it to my face.”

“I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover.”

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy One Mustache, Get One Half Off deal. So he kept the full mustache, and gave me the half stache. It looks more like an eyebrow than a mustache.”

“I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22”

“My facial hair is imperative. I put the must in mustache.”

“I feel with a mullet and a mustache my job prospects would improve.”