“I had a dream about you last night. We started a shoe company, and a competitor (probably someone from Nike) attacked you, so I had to stab them in the throat with a shoelace. I guess it would have been better to use that shoelace to strangle them. 
”

“I tie my smile like a shoelace.”

“I sometimes lie awake at night wishing I had all the answers. But I guess only God has all of them, while I only have one answer: I do. Now I just have to wait for the perfect question to use it on.”

“I got hit on at the bar last night, and this morning I have a black eye. Sometimes you can be so sexy that you offend, I guess.”

“I was alone in that room. Of course, there were bodies all around, but they were all dead. They were dead when I got there. Well, most of them were dead. The last few I had to strangle so I could enjoy some solitude.”

“I can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue. Now, if only I could do the same with my shoelaces, I wouldn’t have to banana pudding my way to success.”

“He attacked me, so I had to slit his throat with a steak knife. But not before I splashed Worcestershire sauce all over it.”