“I had a few good professors in my painting and drawing classes, but all my graphic design classes tried to teach us how to use Photoshop and Illistrator by showing the class demonstration video clips. You know, exactly like the kind you can watch for free on Youtube, except these video clips cost me thousands of dollars to watch. I felt like I paid a lot of money to learn martial arts, only to show up to find the instructor is fat, sluggish, and cowardly, and he tries to overcome that by trying to teach us how to fight by showing us Chuck Norris movies. (Fact: Chuck Norris could teach me how to fight without even bothering to show up to class).”

“Growing up, the only class I didn’t doodle in was Art class, because there I’d get to spend the whole time drawing.”

“I had a dream I took the form of Chuck Norris and kicked your ass. Then I impregnated you from across the room.”

“I taught a college course called “Of Course!: Helping the Oblivious Realize the Obvious.” Nobody showed up to class, probably because the time and location weren’t obvious enough.”

“Don’t show me how I messed up, because I don’t need to be shown. Clearly if I’ve messed up once, I can do it again without any coaching from you.”

“To show you how much I love you, I’d take you to the moon and back. Or try to fake it in a film studio.”

“The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don’t even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it.”