“I had a great view of the sunset. At least until father went and changed the channel. Dammit, dad!”

“Growing up, Renaldo and his father had a great relationship. At least until his father went and slept with someone else.”

“I watched the sunset from the comfort of my bathtub, which has a clear bottom so I had an unobstructed view.”

“You don’t offend me. At least not until I change my name. Once I change it to Asshole, then I might be offended you keep calling me Jarod.”

“A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a brick may be dumb, but at least it isn’t dumb and interfering in its absence. By not being a part of my life, my dad became a big part of my life, because my thoughts were influenced by his image and infused with fantasy as I attempted to alter the reality that he wanted little to do with me. And what else would you call not wanting to be a part of your son’s life but dumb? So this Father’s Day, I’m drinking to the dad I never had—a brick. 
”

“My father went AWOL the day I got dishonorably discharged from his penis.
”

“I went to visit my dad. He didn’t say a word to me. Or if he did, I couldn’t hear it through the grass, the dirt, and his coffin lid.”