“I had a missed call. It’s probably the all you can eat buffet calling to say, “Come back! We know you can eat just a little bit more.”

“Did you know you can drink food? It’s true! It’s called soup, and I eat it with a fork. I’m as efficient as the government.
”

“I don’t call watches watches, I call them grasps, because one, they grasp onto your wrist, and two, time isn’t something you can watch; it’s a concept you have to grasp.”

“If zombies eat brains, then they’d love me, because who doesn’t like a buffet?”

“Apricots are like cute furry pets you can eat—legally.”

“The best part about vomiting is that right after you do, you can continue eating.”

“It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m just a kitten.”