“I had an arranged marriage. If I didn’t, how would anybody know when and where to show up?”

“Which is more valuable into showing how I think: the order I think of things, or the order in which I arrange them once I’ve thought of them?”

“I just broke up with my girlfriend. My wife will be pleased. But first she’ll be displeased, because she didn’t know I had a girlfriend.”

“I want to meet and marry a girl with the same last name as me, so I can show how modern and feminist I am by taking on her last name after marriage.
”

“The essence of courage is timing. Take me, for example. I’ll show up to fight anybody, anywhere. I’ll just show up a day late.”

“If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?”

“A good server knows how to be seen, yet remain invisible. I was a great server, and I achieved invisibility by never showing up for work. My boss ended up firing me, probably over petty jealousy.”