“I had to close the door on our friendship, because he kept climbing in through my window.”

“I’ll leave the door unlocked. Be sure to ring the doorbell before you climb in through the window.”

“Last night I placed a handwritten note on the front door of my neighbor’s house that said, “Sorry, we’re closed. Come back tomorrow after 9 am.” I wouldn’t have done it had I known he’d knock on my door and ask to spend the night because he thought I was open.
”

“He was a man I came to respect. Not because he wore Ziploc bags for socks (he had sweaty feet), but because he also kept his sandwiches warming there while he walked.”

“I had to quit my taxi cab driving job because I had no way to get to work. The problem was I kept calling myself to come pick me up.”

“To keep my cat from drinking out of the toilet, I could close the toilet lid, I could close the bathroom door, or I could pull my straw out of the water and stop setting a bad example.”

“I hung a large pizza over my window, because it was more delicious than curtains.”