“I have a cigarette for a penis. Except when I get sexually aroused it turns into a cigar. Would you care to hold my lighter?”

“A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work. 
”

“Maybe one day I’ll be a real boy. Maybe then my untruthful nose won’t be longer than my truthfully aroused penis.”

“I had to sell my cigarette boat, for fear it would cause cancer.”

“If I shake your hand, will I get my fingerprints all over your fingertips? I hope not. Otherwise the crime scene, and the shaft of my penis, is riddled with my fingerprints.”

“Would it make you more comfortable if I wore a condom while I shook your hand? I could wear it on my penis, or stretch it over my hand. I don’t know these things. I’m new to politics.”

“If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?”