“I have a container full of yelling I keep in my kitchen. It makes a great cleaning product, as it’s wonderfully abrasive.”

“I cleaned out my belly button last night, and I found the meaning of life. Gosh, I wonder how long it’s been hidden there.”

“There’s moisture in my madness. I should start keeping my insanity in Tupperware containers.”

“I always thought I’d make a great backup singer. I don’t practice. It’s just pure talent.”

“I bought an empty safe, and I keep it empty, because safety doesn’t exist, so my safes are full of their potential.”

“I have three sets of humor. One I keep in a bag of salt, because it’s the dry one.
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“The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don’t even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it.”