“I have a great golf swing. I just wish I had someone to push me on it.”

“If I had three magic wishes, I’d use the first wish for one more, to replace the one I just wasted wishing for something I already had.”

“Is it better to pull someone, or push them to succeed? I have no idea, but will you be my slinky?”

“To me, the most confusing part about golf is that I don’t know whether I’d rather actually be playing golf, or sitting on the green composing haikus about the landscaping.”

“I sometimes lie awake at night wishing I had all the answers. But I guess only God has all of them, while I only have one answer: I do. Now I just have to wait for the perfect question to use it on.”

“I drew a self-portrait of myself, drawn with my eyes closed from a memory someone else may or may not have had of me. After I drew it I made the remark, "Gee, I guess someone thinks I am a dog.”

“The couch was green, so I felt comfortable wiping my boogers on it. I just wish it had been brown.”