“I have a little accent. I speak with a trace of midget.”

“The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.”

“Like a midget, I walk tall and proud.”

“I long for your love like the length of a midget.”

“I have a list of pet names for Cap’n so long that it could fill a phone book (if the phone book is for a town with a population of four). I call him Cap’n Boy, Sweet Boyo, My Little Boy (done in a British accent), and when he is misbehaving, You Little Shit.”

“If you were to ask me if I have ever loved a woman, I'd probably reply, "Two gallons of milk and a midget.”

“The house I grew up in is one of a kind. It’s a bibliophile’s fantasy, and if the Library of Congress had a little brother who was a midget, you could find him residing in my parents’ house.”