“I have a responsibility as a human being to care for animals—including politicians.”

“I once saw a politician walking a dog, and I thought, “How absurd—an animal walking an animal.” Then I thought, “If given the choice, I’d rather vote for the dog.”

“As an animal lover, I don’t like zoos. I feel the only creatures that should be caged behind bars are politicians, lobbyists, and lawyers. And rapists, but I’ve already listed that three times.”

“I have a deep respect for shallow pockets. They keep politicians honest.
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“A lawyer, a politician, and a prostitute walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” And I’d have to agree. Serves them right for being so sleazy.”

“I want to have five or six wives, and a few dozen sheep, all for my pleasure. I should be a politician.”

“It’s not true I think all politicians are morons. Morons are far too intelligent to be politicians.”