“I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping.”

“I could tell I loved her from the moment I saw her, right after she opened the trunk, untied me, and took off my blindfold.”

“The tire left a skid mark on the road that looked like a mustache. So I shaved it off the pavement, stuffed it in my trunk, and took it home to wear to work the next day. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“I like watching water drops drip off my eyelashes. Reminds me that I’m not the Desert of Love.”

“I have a recognition dance, to acknowledge that I heard and understood you. So when Savannah says she loves me, and I reply by doing the Charleston, I’m just trying to show my love for her.”

“I am terrified of heights, sharks, and spiders, so I am not into skydiving, surfing, or camping. I am the epitome of cowardice.”

“Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday.”