“I have an iron deficiency. You can tell by how wrinkled my clothes are.”

“Wrinkles don’t signify old age, they signify a lack of ironing skills or a dearth of hangers to hang clothes on.”

“I’m a closet sociopath. You can tell by all the skeletons I have hanging up next to my clothes.
”

“My closet’s so full of memories and fearful homosexuals that I have nowhere to hang my clothes. Well, that and I don’t know how to tie a noose. I’m making meatloaf on a stick if you want to come over later and help me prosecute my entire wardrobe.”

“I buy black clothes, so I can hide behind my shadow.”

“You can tell a lot about a person's character by how they do life's menial tasks. For example, I saw my neighbor washing dishes, and I could immediately tell that he was an adulterer by the way my wife's naked body glistened through his kitchen window.”

“My forehead is starting to get wrinkled, but you’d hardly notice it because all the wrinkles in my shirt would distract your attention from my face.”