“I have hair on my chest. And it’s purring.”

“I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.”

“No matter how hard I try, I can’t grow facial hair on my chest.”

“If my chest grew cat hair, I wouldn’t know whether to pluck it or pet it.”

“I always leave the toilet seat up. It’s just easier to wash my hair that way.”

“I’ve got my hair conditioned. It’s not trained, but it is soft.”

“I wash my hair with strawberry jelly, because my favorite thing to eat for breakfast is lunch. It’s never too late to love someone, but sometimes it is too early.”