“I have rose-colored glasses. The frames have thorns.”

“The shirt I have on today is the color of a banana, and tomorrow’s shirt will also be the color of a banana. Tomorrow’s shirt will be a slightly different color, but will in fact be the same shirt.”

“I used to have straw-colored hair. Horses loved it.”

“Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!).
”

“I have thin lips, like two rose petals on top of each other, and I would say I have a Roman nose, but it doesn’t speak Latin.
 Sane, paululum linguae Latinae dico. Caveat emptor!”

“Things to do in an elevator: Install a glass display, like in a museum, over the floor buttons and have a sign affixed to the glass that reads, “Do Not Touch.”

“If you drink, you risk divulging your secrets. Here, have another glass.”