“I have so much love that it could stretch around the world’s largest dick. But so what? Bernanke’s belt does that every day.”

“On my recent trip to Washington DC, I wore a hat I made out of a tin funnel that I covered with fur. Why? Because I was going to where the world’s largest collection of morons were, so I figured I’d fit right in if I looked like an idiot.”

“If I can’t see the bottom, I don’t know how much is left. Why does my love have to be so thick? I suppose because it keeps the engine of your heart running smooth.
”

“Bah, Alzheimer’s. Grandma wouldn’t be so forgetful if she didn’t always have dick on her mind.”

“I left the door open so you could come in—and I could go out. That’s what being in love is all about.”

“As a balloon expands, so too does my love for you with each passing day. To know how I truly feel about you, look no further than the balloon giraffe.”

“I like to see cats tumble around, but I wish they wouldn’t meow so much when I shove them in the dryer.”