“I heard everything you said, listened to half, and agreed with a quarter. And 12.5% isn’t bad—if you’re collecting that in interest on money you lent out.”

“I am a rebel! But I don’t want people to agree with my views, because if everyone agreed with me then I wouldn’t be rebellious anymore. Did you hear what I heard? Because I heard what I said. Hear what I mean, which is not necessarily what I say.”

“As a way for both of us to make money, I’ll hold you hostage, while at the same time, you’ll be holding me hostage,” I said to Orafoura.
“Won’t the ransom money you pay to me cancel out the money I’ll pay to you?” Orafoura said. 
“Not if I shoot you first. Then I’ll have all the ransom money!”

“Life isn’t so bad. I’m not fat (unless you’re Gandhi), I’m not short (unless you’re Goliath), and I’m not ugly (unless you’re James Dean).”

“I collect collectivisms. I’ve already got socialism and communism, and all I need is fascism to complete the set. I’m looking to trade my dusty democracy, but Uncle Sam isn’t interested in a deal at this time. 
”

“A brick can be neither good nor bad. A brick just is. And it isn’t, because I just stole it from you, which is good for me, and bad for you.
”

“My father is half man, half Zeus. That makes me one quarter fake God. But that's better than being one quarter nickel.”