“I inherited my sense of passion and romance from the Romans. Specifically Nero and all the fire he possessed.”

“People always say I have hands as large as the Roman Empire. I guess it just goes with the territory. Romance, it’s all in the gloves.”

“I inherited a pound from my British uncle. I’d have rather gotten a dollar, because what do I want with an animal shelter?
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“In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense.”

“I stand to inherit a lot from my father, including high cholesterol and diabetes. Oh, and maybe a few Beatles records. Actually, the first two don’t sound bad compared to the last one.”

“I gave him a pet name, even though he wasn’t my pet, he was my boss. I don’t know why he fired me. I thought “Dick Nose” was a delightfully cute name.”

“I am the dinosaur of love. Specifically, I am a pterodactyl, and you are my silent “p.” Stay quiet woman!”