“I just bought some long-lasting deodorant. You know, for the afterlife. Eternity is a long time to have stinky armpits.”

“I sure wish deodorant tasted like butter, because then I could keep mashed potatoes warm and tasty in my armpits all day long.”

“A brick could be used as a deodorant deterrent. Just ask any stinky Congressman.”

“Your deodorant smells like my armpit. And yet I get no royalty from the manufacturer.”

“I’ll keep you in my heart forever, just so long as you don’t clog up my arteries. Just so you know, my love is like extra gravy all the time.”

“I bought a big brown stuffed animal. You know, for dinner.”

“I'm so excited. I just bought a new file cabinet, some manila folders, some sticky note pads, and a few highlighters, and I think I'm finally ready to enter into organized crime.”