“I just peed in the sink. Why? Because there was already somebody in the bathtub.”

“I floated like driftwood in the ocean. I wasn’t worried about sharks, because my bathtub is much too shallow.”

“I peed on the floor to get hired. Now I’m the janitor. 
”

“Without even washing my hands I can tell whether I peed or not.”

“I make love like I sing—in a choir, alone in the bathtub.”

“A brick could be used measure the volume of love in any given bathtub. But for the test to be accurate, I’m going to need you to disrobe and step down here. Don’t worry, I’m already naked and in the water—and it’s warm. 
”

“The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and a sticky note on the fridge that said, "I love you." "Oh my God," I thought. "Somebody's obsessed with me, and they kidnapped my girlfriend just to get closer to me.”