“I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!”

“I like undressing women with my eyes, but I just can’t quite figure out how to unstrap their bras with my eyelids.”

“I’m very proud of my body of work. You should see it naked sometime.”

“I like mirrors as much as the next guy, except if the next guy is my clone.”

“Right now I’m naked, like how my pizza comes out of the oven. I like my toppings like I like my women: topless. I love me some pepperoni.”

“I want to grow a tan and an accent, then dig it out of my garden and staple it to my naked body. I like Salmon Rushdie like a bear would. Especially with a honey glaze.”

“I breathe onto a mirror just to make sure I’m still alive, and to see how good looking my breath is.”