“I keep a fish in each pocket, and one in my left shoe, so I don’t drown in your love.”

“If I can’t see the bottom, I don’t know how much is left. Why does my love have to be so thick? I suppose because it keeps the engine of your heart running smooth.
”

“Love is like a banana, and I keep it in my pocket on cold days to warm up my hand.”

“Dancing? Not only do I have two left feet, but they’re different sizes. And I don’t put them in shoes—I store them in glass jars in my basement.”

“Woman, I could drown in your love, but I’d much rather be strangled. More passionate, don’t you agree?”

“Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes.”

“Politics are like shoes. On one side you have the left, and on the other side you have the right. And every politician is essentially a shoe salesman trying to sell you one shoe, either the left or the right, whichever one he stands for. So I guess the only people who vote with complete confidence on election day are the ones with only one leg, and who's political stance matches their needs exactly. But I must say, a person loses a lot of personal freedom when they only have one leg.”