“I keep butter in my underwear, because it’s like a meat locker down there. Can I interest you in two rolls of bread?”

“Taxidermy and taxes go together like peanut butter and sodomy. Can somebody get me two slices of bread?”

“I'm sure glad socks are made out of cotton, and not ice-cube trays, because I don't like keeping my socks in the freezer. Because if I did that, then where would I keep my underwear?”

“I keep my love in the fridge, next to my meat, because you simply can’t beat it.”

“I can’t swim, because despite my love being shaped like Michael Phelps, it’s so heavy it’s like an anti flotation device. If I can barely even carry it, I can understand how it’s a burden to you and why you don’t want to keep it in your heart.”

“I sure wish deodorant tasted like butter, because then I could keep mashed potatoes warm and tasty in my armpits all day long.”

“I met a guy who had an interesting job. He was a meat cutter, or a meat slicer, something like that. I probably butchered his job title.
”