“I keep my fears chained up in the basement, along with a few of my foes.”

“More people are leaving TV behind to read my books than ever before. In the last year alone I gained over two readers (three, to be exact). So I’d like to take a moment and say thanks mom, dad, and kidnap victim I keep chained in the basement.”

“Man is somewhere in between God and animal. Jarod is somewhere in between Jar and Jason. (One of which I keep chained up in my freezer).”

“Science, where would scientists be without it? They’d probably still be in my basement, where I left them a few minutes ago.”

“A whisper is the shadow of a shout, and I keep a few in my wallet to use at the strip club on rainy nights.”

“I collect hair. I keep most of it on my floor, but my most valuable patches I display on the bodies of a few cats I have roaming my house like walking art displays that meow.”

“The chain of command, I wear it around my neck.”