“I keep the ketchup in the fridge, though from now on I’m going to keep in the bottle. Less messy, I figure.”

“I keep my love in the fridge, next to my meat, because you simply can’t beat it.”

“I’m hungry but I won’t order 18 tubs of ketchup and a spoon. No, I’ll order it because I’m thirsty, and I’ll ask for a straw.”

“I’m so old school I’m like a one-room schoolhouse—with no bathroom. I always keep it classy.”

“Love is a tomato. And while it's true that I can live without a tomato, I could sure go for some ketchup.”

“I’m a competitor. I once placed fifth in a bottle of whiskey.”

“I saw something scary. It was a boy, asking me what I’m doing naked in his father’s fridge. Dinner party’s over.”