“I killed a flea this morning. I may have been a bit overzealous, because I accidentally killed the cat too.”

“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much money.”

“My fur coat is still wet, not from the rain, but from where my cat was licking it. Well, my future fur coat. I have yet to kill and skin it.”

“I don’t have time to kill you, and you don’t have time to die, because I’m not into redundancy, and you’re already dead.”

“I won't read a book whose pages have been dog-eared, because I'm more of a cat person.”

“Last year I built a Courage Machine, but I thought it might be noisy and was too afraid to turn it on. So I coated it with glue, covered it with cat hair, mounted it on my wall, and started claiming it was an exotic animal I killed on a Safari in Africa. I'd like to believe people believe me, on account of it being so strange that it has to be true.”

“The police seemed to think I killed her, which is crazy, because I loved her like a thousand drops of blood dripping down a dagger.”