“I knew a woman named Hope once, and boy did she fill me with her first name.”

“His name is Arnold. But you’re not on a first name basis with him, and that’s not his first name. So that’s Mr. Arnold to you. Once you get to know him, he may let you call him by his first name, which is Grafmiller. His middle name is his wife’s maiden name: Maiden. Their maid’s first name is Maiden, and her last name is America. Maiden America, though I think she was made in China.”

“My penis’ name is Pride. Pride is something every woman should be filled with.”

“The first two letters of her name were M and E and I thought, Yes! Finally, a name I can relate to.”

“I did a face plant. Ivy was her name.”

“My favorite tree is the Joshua tree, which is named after me. Well, it will be, once I change my name to Joshua.”

“He had a last name for a first name, and a last name for a last name, but only because it came after his first name (the one that sounds like a last name). Otherwise, his last name would sound like a first name.”