“I know it’s not your birthday, but would you like some birthday dick? It’s on sale today.”

“Do you need some birthday dick? I once got dick for my birthday—my first birthday, in fact. That’s how they knew I was a boy.”

“For your birthday, I got you a box. Hooray! It’s empty, so you can fill it with whatever you want.”

“Take me to Happy Birthday Land. It’s open 364 days of the year, and the one day of the year it’s closed for cleaning happens to be my birthday. 
”

“A clone would make a great birthday gift, because it’s the only gift that keeps on giving. At least it’d better give me a birthday present every year. It owes its life to me.”

“For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be.”

“My 30th birthday will be arriving in a few months. It’s not arriving unexpectedly, I just wish it would have given me more of an advance notice, say another 30 years.”