“I like eye contact, but please don’t blink when my eyeballs are touching yours.”

“I looked him in the eyes and said, “I don’t trust you.” I’ll tell you, it’s like looking in a mirror when you make eye contact with your clone.”

“If I only had one eye, I’d look at my other eyeball with my good eye. It would be in a jar on the dresser, of course, right next to my detachable penis.”

“I love women’s breasts. I love how they don’t blink when I stare at them.”

“My thoughts absorb sound like sponges soak up water. Please don’t whistle while I masturbate.”

“We are the wire, and tomorrow is like yesterday with a furry back. Don’t pet me, Tuesday! Please don’t Wednesday with my emotions.”

“If your nipples were on your eyelids, then and only then would I give you eye contact while you are talking to me.”