“I like food that speaks to me. Food like French toast, English muffins, and Deviled eggs. Oh, oval embryonic spawn of chicken, why hast thou deceived me?”

“We made love like a slice of French toast trying to act like an English muffin.”

“My meat smells like cat food. Makes me want to lick my own asshole.”

“Forget food for thought. Give me food for my belly.”

“Every time I eat an English muffin I feel like I become more grammatically correct, more refined, more cultured, and an all-around gentleman.”

“I've eaten cat food before. Of course, the menu listed it as "Chicken Lo Mein.”

“The French aren’t birthed; they’re hatched out of eggs. That’s why they make the best omelets.”