“I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.”

“I like my spaghetti like I like my women. All over my shirt.”

“I run my household like a marathon. That’s 26.2 miles of me taking orders from my significant other, who has significantly more control over the relationship than I do.”

“I was rubbing the pieces of bacon like they were strands of a lover’s hair. Of course they weren’t, because all my exes had hair like scrambled eggs.”

“I don’t understand open relationships. My relationship is like a normal business at 5:01 pm: very much closed.”

“I like my eggs sunny side up at midnight, and I wear sunglasses when I eat them because they are so bright. They’re almost as blinding as my love for you, only not as runny.”

“If I had to live my life over, I’d live it over seas, like a cloud.”